So. A new blog.
I've blogged before. I maintained the Smitten Eagle blog for a couple years, but I've since deleted it. There were some good thoughts there but my life took me elsewhere and the theme of that site didn't seem to fit.
But I'm back now. I'm still trying to discover why I'm again attracted to laying my written thoughts out for others to see. There's always a bit of a risk in that, but there's a reward, too. Perhaps a tiny bit of recognition. Maybe a little clarity of thought because you've forced yourself to digest the thoughts into words. And maybe you learn to write a bit better, and also read better. Perhaps most important is the increase in the scope and depth of the personal network. All of those things are beneficial. So, some combination of these things is compelling me to write.
Who am I?
Well, I'm a man, mid-30s, born in the
American Midwest (Yankeedom, with some Midlands characteristics). The longer I live the more I see a lot of those Midwestern values that were inculcated in me: Thrift. Hard work. The idea that the older I get the smarter my dad gets. A recognition I'm eminently replaceable in the bigger scheme of things but that I matter a great deal to my small family. I believe in good common sense, local control of affairs, that good fences make better neighbors.
I'm also a United States Marine Corps officer. A Major, to be exact, which I'm told is a pretty thankless rank. But I've been fortunate in the assignments I've been given and, believe it or not, I'm well compensated for my work (both monetarily and otherwise.) I've fought overseas a good amount--more than most but not as much as some. It's changed me, and I'm better for it. The personal cost to me an my family has been steep but, as she says, "We're doing it!"
I've read a great many books, but mostly in the areas I was professionally interested: Military history & theory, strategy, tactics, organizational leadership, a little philosophy (Stoicism--probably the quintessential philosophy of the occidental soldier.) A little political thought. How to think about thinking. These books also changed me. They allowed me to bring a bit of creativity to the situations I've been in, particularly when I've been able to "take a knee" and just think for a moment about the situation I'm in. Where am I in the wider story? What are my real options? What battles are worth fighting? When have we planned enough? What steps are really necessary?
After my last combat deployment, though, that I had a bit of an epiphany: What Am I Doing? Who Am I? Where Am I Going? I needed to better define myself, and not merely as a military officer. I needed to branch out and really find out what I'm doing and why.
I resent the idea that military service is an inherently destructive enterprise. Yes, the military destroys things and kills people using powers granted by political authorities, acting in defense of the Constitution, theoretically, and with the oversight of Congress, theoretically, acting on behalf of the American citizens. So that's a bit destructive. I will grant that. But there's a creative act to it, too--making a plan, and with limited resources, accomplishing something in service to an enterprise greater than yourself. Yes--the sense of mission is what lends the military life its creativity--the imperative to victory while fighting against the odds.
But, at another level, the military life can be dull. There is the inescapable fact that, at a fundamental level, the officer uses the power of the state to make people do things, and in turn, others make you do things. Yes--there is the moral component, the art & science component, the professional component. But sometimes it can be a bit dissatisfying. Then there is the aspect that I'm an officer with 13 years of service to my Corps--and the connected notion that my active military career is likely 50-65% complete. Then there's the idea that many believe that most of the satisfaction of being a military officer occurs as a lieutenant and captain, which means many of my best days are behind me. So, after all is said and done, what is next?
I didn't know. But I did have options. I could chose to contend with the situation, to think and contemplate, and to start doing something. So I did. I committed to get the financial situation in order (not that it was in bad shape, but it wasn't really a planned financial situation--it wasn't intentional or deliberate.) I committed to start doing something with my hands--building things, making things, fixing things. I committed to really examine who I am, how I relate to my family and the greater world.
So, today, I publish my first blog post on the
Warrior in the Garden blog. The name was of the blog was chosen very intentionally. Originally I was leaning toward something relating to The Tree of Knowledge, drawing from the tragedy and the sense of
anagnorisis from the Biblical story of sin entering the world, and with that sin, a sense of dichotomy (sin vs. righteousness, knowledge vs. ignorance). It was the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, after all. You bite that fruit (an apple, in the Western tradition), and now you know who you are--a sinner. And you're burdened and empowered with that knowledge of good and evil. I was leaning toward that theme, basically connecting my anagnorisis of combat and the transformation I'm working through now to the Biblical story.
But no--I chose The Warrior in the Garden because of a short quote I heard on a podcast. It is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war. That is true. And it is what I am--a commissioned Marine officer, a title I will hold forever. But I am also trying to have a garden to live in--to tend it, to live off of it, to get some fulfillment from it. I don't intend to lose who I am, but rather to more explore who I am in other ways. This is less tragic, and it's more intentional and open about the future.
And so I started this blog.
Here I will explore many things. I will probably touch on military theory, foreign policy, some domestic political concerns, perhaps a little small-l libertarianism and small-a anarchism, technology, perhaps some gardening, the completing of various projects, the life if building things, finance (personal and otherwise), what I do with my time, etc. Themes will include self improvement, self-reliance, the relating of the person to the greater world, the obligations of one to other people and the greater society, the meaning of service, and the delta between the way things are and the way things should be.
